This week I decided that four gigs wasn’t enough, that I should throw in a trip to Leeds as well, to visit Corinne obviously and nothing to do with the fact that Chris Moyles was doing a book signing up there. No no no. Yes.

So because I am quite clearly mental, I jumped on a train at 7am, that’s after I’d gone into WH Smith and bought two books, and was in Leeds by 10 o’clock due to the fact it now takes three hours and diverts itself through a lot of crappy Northern towns. By half ten me and Corinne were in Waterstones, because we are hardcore* but we are not losers and so refused to be first in the queue and wandered off towards the Playhouse to take advantage of their cloakroom.

We returned, with less baggage, at eleven to find a queue of about three people. We decided the need for coffee was greater than the need to join the queue and ended up in Costa upstairs for half an hour before joining the queue at about half eleven that was now about twenty people long. A respectable place I think and we were grateful that it was nowhere near the classics section and that the 3 for 2 offers near us appeared crap or we could have ended up with a lot of books…Plus Waterstones do student discount, what good is that now?!

Corinne had to leave me but not before I’d complained that I had no book and what was I going to do in the queue when she left. She left me with a Shakespeare book and walked off with strict instructions to check the length of the queue that had now escalated to the street outside. Eventually Waterstones people thought it wise to cap the queue and five minutes later they introduced Chris.

There were about five photographers huddled round the table, which amused me greatly, taking lots of photos and trying to get Chris to sit on the table.

“Is it going on the front page?”

“Look at me and look at the size of that table…That’s my way of saying no…[turning to the queue] You’ve got to be polite”

Then the queue started moving with Chris giving everyone an overenthusiastic “Hi!” that had me in hysterics after about five minutes. The queue moved pretty fast considering Chris spoke to everyone. Eventually I was next, but not before the stupid Waterstones people had opened the books for me [because obviously I can read the book in three hours but am incapable of opening it to the right page where they’d stuck a post it note earlier] and put Corinne’s on top. So obviously Chris asked if I was Corinne. Then we proceeded to have a discussion on the pronunciation of Corinne and I am pleased to exclusively announce that he agrees with me and Corinne and pronounces it our way, not CBR’s way. Nik and Corinne win. Then we had a discussion about schools in Crossgates** with Chris saying, “I went to St Teresa’s, I don’t know what school Corinne went to…” At that point the Waterstones people interrupted to move the queue along, which amused me greatly because i) security people never like me and it’s fun to annoy them, and ii) if he’d asked what school Corinne had gone to, I wouldn’t have been able to tell him despite her telling me less than twenty fours hours before.


I had to wait for Wayne so I promptly walked off and situated myself by the barriers near where Chris was signing to mess about with my camera and take more pictures. I moved into a gap and Chris’s dad signalled that I could stand in front of him. So I did. And then a Waterstones person came along and offered Chris’s mum a drink but not his dad.

“They don’t offer you a drink!”
“No, they don’t know who I am.”
“Aww I know who you are!”

Eventually I left there at just after one o’clock and the queue was a couple of doors down from Oddbins, which is where it had been when Corinne left so I dread to think how long it had been at half twelve. I then found the Wetherspoons*** and consumed two pints before they thought it fit to give me my lunch, which was stupid because I’d not really eaten all day**** and it was now three o’clock. What this resulted in was the alcohol making me seriously tired due to my major lack of sleep over the last week. I made my way to the Playhouse via HMV and sat myself down on a bench noting that the performance hadn’t let out yet. I was still really tired and tried to read Shakespeare but ended up pondering the merits of lying down under the bench and going to sleep. I eventually decided this wasn’t a good image for the Playhouse so decided to go to sleep where I was and wait for Corinne. Sure enough, a while later I felt someone poking my arm.

After this I decided that putting any more alcohol in my body probably wasn’t a good idea so when we went out later [after watching Strictly Come Dancing, obviously], I decided I only wanted coke. Of course then I met the “infamous Dean” who put the idea of white Russians into my head. But then I still only had one and instead discussed why the Slug and Lettuce was playing rubbish music and whether sashes at a hen weekend were a good idea.



*even though Corinne had to work and wasn’t actually coming to the signing.
**Cross Gates if you work for the train company.
***the one where me and Cat took the famous Tesco carrier bag pint from.
****Before you say it Val, yes I know! I was under strict orders from Corinne to eat.