Everyone gets hit* with obstacles and challenges in life. I think the last major one was over the summer. It resulted, eventually, with about four hours of crying and eventually hiding out in one of the cabins furthest out. It resulted in a note in OJ's pigeon hole telling her I was having a mental breakdown and she'd better come and find me. And find me she did. Sometime over the summer a part of me realised that talking to people about the inner workings of the mind of Nik**** does make me feel better. It also made me realise that something that seemed a throw away comment to one person was completely different when eventually, if at all, told to the person the comment was about. Yet despite this recently gained knowledge, I still find it really hard to talk to people. It's so much easier to just nod and 'smile' when someone asks if you're ok and then hide in your room for a day or go for a walk at three in the morning for two hours just to get out of the house. It's a conundrum really, I mean if you're faced with a situation where you could do the best thing by you or the best thing by one of your closest friends, what do you do? What if the answers clash? What if you just think you're being stupid? It is always easier to ignore something, hide it under the bed and forget it exists but eventually someone will look under the bed. Sometimes you are so busy trying to hide something under the bed that you don't notice the person behind you checking you're ok or trying to give you a hug. That person behind you is the person who stops you going into self destruct mode, or at least tries to get you out of it. That person is the person who I appreciate caring, ignoring me when I say I don't want to talk and assuring me that it's not stupid even if I think it is.
Finally I know everything will be ok, not just because I wish so much that it would be, but also because I am surrounded by people who care and who I love to bits for that. It just takes a bit of reminding of this now and again.


*Not literally, obviously.**
**Well unless you're playing kickball.***
***Or some other ball related game.
****Yes Cat, third person...