"So there's a spider on the ceiling out there," I inform N. "R told me it's going to fall on my head and then crawl up my nose and reside in my brain." I shiver at the thought. "It's not as big as the one we had on the wall a few weeks ago though. Then R told me it was a black widow and poisonous." N looks at me, "what do you do when there's a spider at home?" "I get one of the boys to get rid of it," I reply, with a tone of someone who thinks this reply is perfectly fine and should probably be obvious. "And what if you're alone?" "I leave the room and freak out." N looks up from the paperwork, "you make me chuckle." I take this opportunity to walk off in an attempt to find someone who will actually understand the spider situation.


"Shall I seal this?" I ask, walking off.
"Yes my little chucklebuck [pause] who's birthday it is soon."
I wander back and address the room. "It is indeed my birthday soon. On the 28th May. That's a bank holiday and it means you get the day off." I pause as an afterthought enters my head. "It also means that you have 26 days to get me a pet T Rex like the one in Night at the Museum."
I am met with bemused looks. Do you think that means I'm not getting one?

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