After five hours of bus replacements services and trains on Sunday afternoon, I eventually got back from Reading to Birmingham. Now to borrow Lucy's phrase, the fireworks party that was occuring in my house that evening continued to pass me by, as it did Lucy, so that when I finally arrived home at ten past six to Kirst hoovering the lounge and Lucy and Ali in the kitchen preparing food, I was in a bit of a daze. A daze that seemed to say, if the party's in my own house, do I still have to go? A daze that meant I stood still whilst everything seemed to happen around me; I didn't even know when anyone was arriving.
Having spent the entire week on 'Flash and Lemmy's Tour of England', I hadn't had a chance to unpack, let alone settle into being back in Birmingham. I had gone a week with only seeing Gill for ten minutes and not seeing Rach at all and a week of seeing my housemates less than I would have liked. The last thing I wanted, if I'm being honest, was to have to attend a party of which half of the people attending I knew but not well enough to talk to, a quarter I didn't know and a quarter I probably would have talked to if I hadn't been in a daze. It was just over twenty four hours since I'd left Lemmy and I can't be expected to function that soon after losing someone who I've spent the last week with constantly* and am not entirely sure when I will see next. I wanted to curl up in front of the tv and watch a movie with Lucy, I wanted to hide under my duvet with a cup of tea and Orlando, I didn't want to go and have to think enough to function in a conversation. I wanted society around me to cease to exist temporarily, I wished it was nothing for just that evening and no one was downstairs drinking the ton of alcohol we seem to have acquired in our kitchen or eating all the nibbles set out or talking about everything and nothing in particular. I wanted to relax and actually attempt to settle back into term, however, there is only so long one can hide in their room so I had to attend the party, still not entirely sure what was going on or who half the people in my house were.


*Lemmy, you can't leave me!